Thinking of ourselves as if we were machines robs us of self-determination and disconnects us from freewill. It is the fast road to lethargy and depression. It is also the diametric opposite of a productive, self-motivated individual. Opposite states cannot exist in the same person at the same time. You can’t be at peace and enraged, just as you cannot have a strong sense of purpose and simultaneously, be stuck in the bog of procrastination.
This chapter looks at ways to cultivate a strong sense of purpose showing you how to access a motivational super charger.
The Ultimate Answer
“What is the meaning of life?” So many ask, but never expect an answer. It is more often used as an expression of frustration rather than a question. When you feel tiny, alone, belittled in a vast universe and overwhelmed, “What is the meaning of it all?” You don’t want or expect an answer, just a friend to sigh and say, “Wow, I don’t know… really… I just don’t know.” And now you feel less alone, you’re not the only one who feels that way. You feel a bit better.
Except if you ask the question enough times you will eventually encounter someone who says, “Meaning of life… that’s easy.” People think I’m joking or insane; usually both. I don’t blame them; to claim to know the genuine meaning of life is in the same category of bat shit crazy as claiming to talk with God on a regular basis. Their problem isn’t in my knowing or not knowing “the meaning of life.” Their problem is they can’t accept the idea the answer may be sitting right beside them.
People want to believe that a great answer to a great question must come at a great price. You have to travel thousands of miles, climb to the top of dangerous mountains, and do the bidding of a great guru for many years. Maybe you have to spend millions of dollars to procure rare scrolls of ancient wisdom; rarified and exclusive knowledge. Maybe you believe that the meaning of life is known by those who are fabulously successful. So you seek it among association with political leaders, business mentors, and celebrity icons.
But their truth is like a glass slipper, fitting perfectly for the one giving the advice, but not comfortable for the seeker. You walk away empty handed, as if the real answer eluded you yet again.
Worse are those who accept the wrong answer. They may encounter a charismatic cult leader who gives them a purpose. Through it, they feel fulfilment, connection, and a powerful drive to serve a larger community. These strong feelings provide evidence that they have found the truth they were looking for. Yet, in accepting an assigned purpose, they sacrifice the freedom to think for themselves. They become a willing slave to their guru. They stop searching before coming to the deeper truth.
Part of the answer lies in why we ask the question. “What is the meaning of life?” is a question asking of how we fit into the great scheme of things; what is our place in the world? Isn’t that another word for “purpose?”
Finding Purpose
“Purpose” is not a mission statement, nor an S.M.A.R.T goal. When you try to explain your purpose to others it often sounds wrong. Upon hearing your purpose you will immediately realize it is for you, and you alone. You can’t exchange a purpose with others as if it were a physical object. Giving or receiving purpose is an internal event. This is why so many have a hard time finding purpose; they insist on looking in the wrong direction. At some level we all are aware that the “meaning of life” can’t be found in the world of matter.
However, knowing the meaning of life, finding purpose, is very possible. Many have discovered purpose and live healthy, happy, productive lives. Knowing purpose is to become aware of your psychological centre. It grounds you to the core of what you believe about yourself, bringing confidence, fulfilment and peace of mind.
People without purpose are emotionally imbalanced. They are like a ship without an anchor and flounder at the mercy of a turbulent sea. They expend massive mental energy to sustain elaborate personal illusions and mental games. Often purposeless existence leads to stress, depression and insanity. In finding and aligning to your sense of purpose, those illusions and games become unnecessary and are discarded. Clarity is about doing less and being more.
A purpose filled you is a “you” that sees yourself for what you really are. You don’t have to be perfect, you just accept yourself both good and bad. You are OK with it because your mind knows you are on the right track. Purpose is a feeling similar to faith or love. Trying to explain purpose is like trying to justify why you are in love. When you have it, you know it, but you may not be able to articulate it to others.
Self Determination
In previous chapters we discussed the elastic nature of the human mind. Our greatest evolutionary super power is that we are unspecialized creatures; we are the ultimate generalists. This allows us the freedom to define ourselves anyway we want. We can control how we think, how we act, and decide for ourselves what is or isn’t important to us. All machines are designed for a specific function and have no power to be anything other than what they are.
Most creatures have become specialized for survival in a specific environment. They can’t be anything other than what they are. A shark, for example, is far better suited to living in oceans than any man. Yet, in its 450 million years of existence, a shark has never travelled to the top of a mountain, nor explored outer space. As dangerous as sharks seem to be, shark attacks account for 6 human fatalities, worldwide, per year. On the other hand, humans kill between 63 million and 273 million sharks per year. It isn’t war, it isn’t even competition… its fishing. Our minds have made an apex predator without equal. We are so dangerous and so powerful we can cause extinctions by accident.
As the greatest generalists on the planet, humans can live in any environment. Through curiosity and exploration we can learned to make use of resources previous generations had no idea of. With our language and abstract thoughts we can spread complex ideas to each other.
The very greatest power that you possess, as a human being, is the ability to choose your own purpose. No other creature has to worry about “the meaning of life.” To a shark, purpose is to swim, hunt, eat, and have little sharks. Life is straight forward, simple and takes generations to change. As a generalist you are charged with determining your own purpose and running with it.
Being flexible has some costs. You can be conned into accepting an external purpose and serve someone else. It also means events may unhinge you, and you lose your sense of purpose, becoming depressed.
External sources can only influence you; they provide you with more experiences and ideas. What matters is how you process these ideas inside your mind.
Your ultimate purpose, your reason for being, “the true meaning of life” can only be defined by you, and you alone. No matter how long your journey has been, the last leg of your journey is one of introspection. It is also the only part that ever mattered.
Your Purpose
All creatures on the planet know their purpose. Spiders make webs, birds fly, horses run as fast as the wind. And humans? Well it was never a difficult question. Humans have evolved a flexibility of intellect. Part of our purpose is to ask the question and define an answer for ourselves. It is both our birthright and our curse.
Expectations and Disappointments
This is not a popular answer. Most people cling to the idea that the meaning of life is out there. They want to find the answer under a rock. Or they will only accept the answer if it comes from a respected authority. Why are so many resistant to thinking for themselves? Somewhere they adopt the idea that knowing “the meaning of life” grants special powers, status or riches. Odd that people who claim not to know the answer seem to have a lot of expectations about what that answer should look like.
These false expectations caused by the mechanistic metaphor show how divorced people are from their own power. They are so conditioned to look for value in the outside world, they can’t fathom the incredible levels of genius inside themselves. They declare themselves lost and define “the meaning of life” as undefinable. I suppose it is their right to do so; the human mind is just as skilled at creating barriers as it is in creating bridges.
How Purpose Affects Motivation
One of the running themes throughout this book is how perception affects motivation. In Chapter 7, we saw that ill use of time before a deadline can compound and turn a small job into an impossible one. In Chapter 8, we looked at monumental jobs and broke them down into bit-sized chunks which made them far less intimidating. None of this changes the amount of work involved, but it changes how the work is represented in the mind.
Perception of effort and motivation are purely mental events. If you enjoy what you are doing, you will do lots of work without noticing the passage of time. If you hate a job, then the smallest progress comes by grinding out blood, sweat, and tears.
You don’t need to persuade a cat to chase mice, or coax a spider to make a web. These animals do these behaviours because it is part of their nature to do so. Their purpose is hard-wired into them over generations of evolutionary design choices. You are a generalist creature; so you designate your own purpose. Except once you do so, you take advantage of the whole of your mind. A person who “moves with purpose” looks powerful and natural. Their actions are in alignment with the whole of their being. Purpose is a turbo charger on motivation that takes “getting shit done” to an entirely different level. A person with a purpose no longer thinks about trying to motivate themselves; motivation becomes a non-issue.
I encountered a young eco-fanatic whose passion for environmental salvation was plainly apparent. After a few minutes of talking with him, I realized his goals were on a global scale; many of which involved worldwide cooperation with multiple governments. Under ideal conditions, it would be several decades to move from where we are now to the world he envisioned. I was curious how anyone could stay so focused, so motivated on a day-to-day basis, given the insurmountable task that lied before him.
With a little probing I discovered his secret was all about purpose. Every job he did, even the smallest like stickup up fliers, stuffing mail outs, coordinating volunteers, fit into his larger purpose. The completion of each micro task was another step towards a cleaner more sustainable world. Each small success was a victory for him. The more he did, the better he felt and the closer he was to his ultimate goal. Naturally, he couldn’t wait to do more. He was one of the most driven, motivated people I have ever encountered. When you meet such a person, you can see it in their eyes. They move with purpose.
Charisma and Purpose
Being tribal creatures, we admire and follow those who possess a strong internal compass. We desire that feeling of clarity and sense of commitment to a goal. More than any other trait, a clear sense of purpose is one of the most powerful aspects of leadership.
You can pay people to work for you, but to have loyalty, to have their creative insights, they must buy into your sense of purpose. That comes from being clear with yourself and continual action.
Think of those who lack purpose. Their minds become a muddled mess, losing faith in oneself and becoming mired in depression. Those without purpose are repellent to those around them, almost like anti-charisma. The boss who believes they can simply pay for workers and never develop their own sense of purpose will soon discover they have frequent staff turnover.
“Large Task Focus” vs “Sense of Purpose”
On the surface it may seem that having a sense of purpose may contradict previous suggestions to focus on smaller tasks. After all, isn’t “purpose” an awareness of the large picture? Imagining a job to be a Herculean task focuses your mind on how it is beyond your capabilities.
This sort of frame bleeds yourself of any motivation to even get started. It may be wonderful when done, but a lofty aspiration is overshadowed by a long tedious slog to get there. Best to quit before you even start. Procrastination becomes inevitable as you spend more effort on looking for ways to escape doing the job than actually doing it.
This are other ways to think about the same thing. Self-expression requires no effort, it comes to you as naturally as breathing. When you are connected to purpose, your daily activity becomes part of this self-expression. This extends into a project you are working upon and every day you feel a sense of pride, happiness, and excitement. You know that what you do is in alignment to the core of what you are about; how you have chosen to define yourself.
A goal is a specific state you want to bring into reality, you make progress towards it and it becomes real at some specific point. A purpose is like your north star; it guides you and affects your quality of action, but never needs to be reached.
Accepting Help to Find Purpose
The outer world has a great influence on our minds. We have the flexibility of freewill, but have never been taught how to make choices for ourselves. As a result, we become more susceptible to cult leaders or charismatic bosses who impart their purpose on your mind. Those who manipulate are aware of what they are doing and it may easily be to your detriment.
You should always question the motive of anyone who attempts to change your thinking, especially if they are politicians, lawyers, marketers or anyone who has something to gain by you believing a certain way.
Before we start on the five methods of determining purpose I wish to make my motives clear for why I am sharing this information with you, I believe that connection to a sense of purpose will allow you to have a more constructive, positive life. You would spend less time playing self-delusional games, you would be more grounded, and you would get things done which matter to you.
Through your clarity, peace and fulfilment, others may be inspired to seek purpose for themselves. I ask myself, “What kind of world would that be like? Would this be a better place if everyone had a sense of purpose?” As I see it, the problems such as military conflict, poverty, and environmental damage from consumerism can be traced back to people being out of touch with their sense of purpose.
There will always be those without purpose. Disorganized, troubled, worried minds live to create drama and turbulence for others. Just because it is common for people to exercise little control over their emotions doesn’t mean they can’t. Absolutely anyone can use the following methods and determine purpose for themselves. In doing so they make their own life better, and through that the world becomes a slightly better place.
No matter what anyone says to you, you are always the final judge of what resides in your mind. You are the one who accepts or rejects any purpose for yourself. The journey always starts, and ends, inside yourself.
Why Five?
Physically, there are lots of variation among people. Prescription glasses which fit me perfectly may be terrible for you. Psychologically, there is even more variety. I have yet to find any psychological method with a 100% success rate. Yet, when most people talk about purpose, they present their answer as the only one. It may work well for the person giving the advice, but it won’t work for everyone the same way.
There are over 7 billion people on the planet, each with a unique way of seeing the world. Some following methods will seem crazy or weird, depending on how you configured your mind at the time of reading it. Something which makes no sense to you may make perfect sense to another reader. Finding purpose is too important to leave to chance, so by having five different methods, I am throwing a wider net with the hope that one will resonate well with you.
I fear that even five may not be enough. Given the many different ways of seeing the world, you may have a perspective that I haven’t considered at the time of writing. Please feel free to modify these methods or use them as base points to inspiration to create your own.
No one can guarantee the success of any psychological technique. But if you are determined to find purpose, if you keep on looking and keep on trying different things, success will be inevitable. Edison failed to create the light bulb over 1000 times, but because he kept ongoing, he did. That one little invention it changed the lives of the entire human race, now and forever after.
Method #1: Constructing Purpose
This method is the most direct approach and works best for those who have a stable mental landscape. Meaning you can see the good and bad in yourself without getting defensive. Such a person can simply sit in a quiet place to contemplate. In a calm, relaxed, meditative state, ask yourself, “What is my purpose?” Listen for an answer. As you listen, the answer will come.
Of course, if you meditate regularly, and have taken measures to clear your mind of internal noise then you would probably already know your purpose. A person who lives in a neat, ordered environment doesn’t need better methods to help keep clean, they are already there. However, it is possible for a calm minded, psychologically stable person to draw a blank. This doesn’t mean you don’t have a purpose; it just means that you haven’t spent the time to formulate one. Specialized creatures are born with a purpose, but as a human you have to spend a little time to define your own. So try this:
Step 1: A Hypothetical Reason for Being
Ask yourself, “What is my purpose in life?” and expect your mind to produce an answer. Often the answer is “I don’t know.” Simply reply to that with “But if you did…” and continue to wait, and expect, an answer. Expectation has a powerful influence on the mind. When you know an answer is out there, your mind will not stop until it finds it.
Think of this as a mental exercise, a game for your imagination. You don’t need a perfect answer, just generate a long list of possibilities. As soon as you write one down, ask yourself for another, and another. “What other possible purposes could my life have?” or “Is there another purpose which would give me even greater meaning?” Do this with pen and paper so you can record a long list to review later.
As you do this exercise (especially the first time) you may encounter the critic. It usually takes the form of snide self-talk: “That’s stupid” or “Don’t write that down” or “You can do better.” Understand that isn’t “You” talking but a small part of “you.” It is trying to get you into an argument with yourself to distract you from the exercise. Don’t fall into this trap. When you hear you berate yourself, just agree with it. “Yes, Yes, I know it is stupid, we are just generating possibilities. Be at ease.”
Write all possibilities down, especially stupid ones. While you may see obvious flaws with ideas, record them anyway. Very often the most unusual ideas represent small mental subsystems that don’t get much conscious air time. These may start you down a new line of thinking which can provide insight that you would have never thought of before without it.
Step 2: Put it Away for a Week
Put the list away and do something else. Your mind is a dynamic system and always in a state of change. Tomorrow you will see things differently than you do today. In many ways writing is like creating a snap shot of your thinking at one moment. When you come back to review it at a later point, say a week or a month, you will find that your new perspective will give you valuable insights as to what is and isn’t important to you.
Plan on letting your thoughts rest for one day at very minimum, time is an essential part of this process.
Step 3: Iterations
When you come back to review your list, you may have different feelings about each item. Some will change in their level of importance and others will jump out at you being just as true now as when you wrote them.
Start a new list by copying out your strongest, truest possible purposes first. Then evolve them by creating variations of those ideas. Variations could involve paraphrasing, using different words to express the same idea. Reduction to simplify an overly wordy purpose, or elaboration to make an unclear idea more specific.
Another interesting method of variation is to write down the direct opposite of that idea… then make an opposite of the opposite. Maybe you come up with a completely new way of thinking about it. Play with the wording, play with the ideas. Most of all, notice your feelings about these ideas.
Repeat step 2 and 3 as long as it is valuable to do so. You may find that on the third or fourth iteration, you have a consistent theme to your ideas and your purpose becomes more apparent. Finding a true purpose is like tapping a tuning fork; the core of your being will vibrate every time you read it.
When you come to the final stage where you really think you have your true purpose, take some quality time to consider it in detail. Do you admire people who live this way? Is this the sort of way you want to live? What sort of person would you become if you live this way? Don’t worry about how you are going to do it; “how” follows from desire. Desire is all about “Why” and if your “Why” is strong enough then the “How” will show itself in due course.
Step 4: Commit to your Purpose
All ideas start small. You start by defining your purpose, but then your purpose comes to define you. For your newly defined purpose to become a valid expression of who you are, you need to cultivate it in your mind. You also need to give yourself time to become comfortable with it. In other words, you are allowing all your other cognitive systems some space to accept the new marching orders.
Each morning, look at yourself in the mirror and state your purpose out loud. Do this for 7 days without change. At the end of that week, review your purpose. Does it not feel right? Are the words wrong? At the end of that week make any modifications you think you need to do and then try the new version another week.
Why wait a week? All actions carry consequences; if you can change your purpose every day, you are demonstrating to yourself that your purpose isn’t fixed, nor important. A purpose is to be like the guiding star for your life, and such a star would have no value if it changed position every night. On the other hand, if you only allowed yourself to change your purpose on Sunday night… well it becomes sticky. You would have to be careful with your words for it will be 7 days before you can change. You are telling yourself that this idea is more permanent, more like a fixed, immutable point which serves to guide actions and rely on.
In step 3 you were encouraged to play and twist possible purposes as much as possible. You were the sculptor with soft clay. However step 4 is the kiln. It is time to commit to that one idea and allow it to grow into your guiding star for the next ten or twenty years.
Step 5: Do Actions Consistent with that Purpose
There is a new age saying that “beliefs create reality.” Your beliefs determine the way you filter reality. Many opportunities are happening all the time, yet a person with a negative outlook doesn’t see them because they aren’t looking for them. Stating your purpose out loud every morning is an accelerator for your mind. It tells your mind and brain that this is important. As you go about the rest of your day, you will start to look for other ways to express your purpose in the little things you do. In this way, a strong purpose allows you to see opportunities those without purpose miss.
When you encounter an activity that is in alignment with your purpose, it is important to take action on it immediately. There should be nothing more important than following your purpose. The more actions you do that are consistent with your purpose the stronger that purpose becomes. Now you don’t just “know your purpose” but you are “living your purpose.”
Method #2: Heroes and Heroines
We idolize heroes because they mirror the qualities we most desire in ourselves. Who you admire (and why) says more about you than it does about the hero. The reflection cast by your hero can be a useful tool to point you towards purpose.
Step 1: Make a List
Make a list of all the people you admire. They can be people you know directly or national celebrities, alive or dead, real people or imaginary characters. If you admire Mickey Mouse, write him down. Write one name on each line. Your list should be a minimum of 20 names but they can go to 50 or 60 if you like. The more names you have the easier it will be to identify patterns.
Step 2: Why do you Admire Them?
Draw a line down the centre of the page.
Look at the first name and think of the most important trait or quality that you admire about that person. Record it to the right of the line. Repeat this for all the names on your list.
Step 3: Identify a Pattern
Make a vertical fold so you can’t see the names. Read the traits or qualities from beginning to end quickly, thinking not about your hero, but how these traits show up in you. Read the list a second time and see if there is a common theme or pattern. Make note of these.
Step 4: Test It
If you have identified a common trait, try searching for it online. See if you can find a new celebrity (one you didn’t know about) who also has those qualities that you most admire. Look them up on Wikipedia, read about their story and see how you feel about them. If you find you are indifferent to this new person, then you should ask what makes them different from your other heroes. If you admire them, it is because of the trait you identified.
Step 5: Predict
What would your life be like if you had the qualities your hero exemplifies? What would you be doing daily? What would you not be doing that you are doing now? Does that image make sense for how you see your ideal self? Would you be happy?
In this step, you aren’t committing to a purpose, but you are getting a better idea of what is important and why.
Step 6: Become your Ideal
Purpose is a compass, it shows you a way of going. A compass has no value to a tree, it is only useful if you are moving. Once you know have determined your purpose it is important to in alignment with it every day. Do the things your hero does, and you become that hero.
On Rich Heroes
It is possible that the thing you most admire is wealth. We live in a culture based upon consumption and economics. Material possessions are often considered the only real measure of success. Many believe money is the answer to all problems in life. The poor who become rich due to lottery discover that this isn’t so. Money is an amplifier which makes you more of what you already are.
“Successful” criminals may have millions of dollars, yet they remain empty and unfulfilled. They may have had great ambition and drive to create an empire, but they lacked a purpose which moved them to a more fulfilled life. Often they use their great financial resources for extravagant forms of indulgence, becoming addicted to narcotics or engage in self-destructive behaviours. A life style that invariably leads to a spectacularly bad end. If successful criminals are not what you consider heroes, then you’d have to admit that what you most value extends beyond having a wad of cash.
Money follows purpose. People do not find purpose to get rich, they do so because it fills their life with meaning. And those with meaningful lives find they attract others and command resources because it is useful towards their purpose. Money and material possessions are by-products of purpose.
Imagine you were in a world where money was obsolete (Such as the Star Trek universe). Would you still admire the same people? Would the list be different? Would the reasons behind the list be different? Try it and see what happens.
Method #3: Emotional Focus
Emotions and Memory
A common misconception about memory is that it is similar to digital video technology. We believe that our memories are an accurate representation of past events. Human memory is an active process influenced by current information and current emotional states.
For example: Last weekend your friends decided to play a prank on you. After a long zombie marathon, Bob and Ted thought it would be hilarious to dress up as zombies and lurch out at you in a particularly dark part of the park. Of course when it happened… you totally lost your shit.
The next weekend, drinking in a friendly town pub, Bob and Ted were ribbing you about how freaked out you were. You distinctly recall you weren’t that scared, though it was a good joke. You now know the whole movie marathon was just a set up and you weren’t in any real danger. Besides you are a rational adult human being and don’t believe in zombies; and don’t fancy yourself as a coward. You reason that you couldn’t have been “that” scared.
When Bob shows you photos of your horrified expression, they clash with how you remember the event. You assume they must have been digitally altered or perhaps you are a far better actor than you thought. You really weren’t that scared. It is natural for humans to trust their own memories even against evidence that runs counter to them. This is one of the great problems with eye witness testimony.
The difficulty, or ease, to which memories are recalled depend on how well they match current emotional states. People being treated for clinical depression often claim to have never been happy at any point in their life. At the same time they have an almost perfect recall for negative events, going back several years. This isn’t to say they weren’t happy; just that it is almost impossible to recall happiness in a seriously depressed emotional state.
Purpose is an Emotional State
You may be wondering what memories and emotions have to do with finding purpose. The “feeling of purpose” is an emotional state. If you spend some time recalling and reliving feelings traditionally associated with purpose, you create a mental environment where your answers become easier to access.
Whenever you pose questions to your mind, you will always get answers, but the quality of those answers depend on your attitudes, dominant beliefs and emotional states in operation when you ask the question. Therefor it is important to create the environment before asking the question.
Step 1: Write 3…
In the following exercise you’ll be recording three events where you felt a particular emotion. You need not go into any detail; just a title for the memory. Think of it like the title of a newspaper article, such as “Jim-Bob’s Last Birthday Party.” This will be enough for you to recall the details and access the emotions you felt at the time.
I understand that one experience may have multiple emotions which could work for several categories, (i.e. the time you felt great joy was also a time when you were very proud of something). For this exercise, try to use one experience, for only one entry. When you access multiple experiences you create more powerful feelings in the present. This may be a little more challenging on the outset, but as you will see, it has a much greater payoff. By the end of the exercise you should have 18 different life events recorded.
When doing this in a classroom, I have noticed students can get stuck on sequential operation. If they are stressed, it becomes harder to recall peaceful memories. As a result they get more stressed and totally shut down, stopping the exercise there.
Human memory is not sequential, so don’t force yourself to be. Read over the list of different states and drop memories down as soon as they come to mind; there is no need to do them in order.
Write down 3 events where you felt:
Joyful, being happy at all levels of being.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
At Peace with Yourself and the World
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Strongly Motivated to do Something Important
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A Sense of Pride
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Ethical alignment: You were doing the “right thing”
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Connection with Something Larger than Yourself
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Don’t worry about blanks. When perfect examples don’t immediately jump to mind, people often throw up their hands and say “too hard” or “impossible.” This is only a block created by perfectionism. Simply take it down a notch and think of a less perfect example. So you don’t recall a time of overwhelming pride, then record a time you did something you felt a little good about. Maybe you haven’t experienced religious ecstasy or cosmic connection to the divine; but you shared a laugh with a crowd at a comedy club. Weaker experiences get the ball rolling.
Once you are done, take a break and review your list later. Ask yourself if you have better experience to describe that emotional state. Very often, when you give yourself some space to relax you will recall many better and stronger experiences.
Step 2: Contemplation
Questions guide your thinking, and the following help you sort through your emotions to come to your purpose. Answer the following in your journal or on a separate piece of paper. Feel free to include as much detail as possible. The more you write, the more you come to understand your own thoughts. This will make your purpose more obvious and real to you.
Question 1:
Imagine that you were the kind of person who experienced all of the above emotions on a daily bases. This is a person who is filled with purpose. What would be the difference between that person and the person who you are now?
Question 2:
Consider the long-term effects of that change against these 5 areas of your life.
- Physically: How would it change your physical environment and your physical body?
- Mentally: How would it change your personality over the next five years?
- Socially: How would it change your relationships with family and friends?
- Financially: How would it change your career?
- Spiritually: How would it change your relationship to the Divine?
Question 3:
Imagine a perfect transition scenario where you move from being the person you are now to that person of purpose you described above. What are some of some of the steps you took to get there?
Don’t worry about chronological order, just note down any ideas you have as they come to mind. Then you can place them in step by step afterwards.
Question 4:
Which values would you change? How do those changes make you feel?
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
Step 3: My Purpose…
Ideally after steps one and two, you should be in a frame of mind similar to one you would have as if you already declared your purpose. Once you are in that state, don’t wait, simply fill out the following statement now.
The purpose of my life is to:
________________________________
__________________________________
Method #4: “At Your Service” Purpose
Adam Leipzig gave a TEDx talk in Malibu on “How to know your life purpose in 5 minutes.” He suggested that in answering the following questions, anyone could determine their life purpose within 5 minutes. The questions were:
1) Who are you?
2) What do you do, what do you like to do, and what is the one thing that you feel supremely qualified to teach other people?
3) Who do you do it for?
4) What do they want or need?
5) How do they change as a result?
Merits
Humans evolved as tribal creatures. A significant part of our psychology wellbeing is determined by how we interactions with our larger community. Professions like police, military, and government services attract individuals who have a strong sense of patriotic duty; being more motivated to serve the community than personal ambition. If your personality is wired this way, then the above line of questions may be of value to you.
Flaws
Humans are flexible in the ways they see the world. You cannot assume that all people value community the same way and derive the same satisfaction in contribution. A convict work crew contributes by building a road, but they are unlikely to derive any satisfaction from their efforts as they are pressed into service as punishment. The effectiveness of these questions (just like any other method) depend on the way reality is represented inside the individual before asking the questions.
The second flaw in this method is the assumption that purpose is absolute. These questions suppose that once you determine how you can serve, you will be content doing the same thing for the rest of your life.
The answer to these questions gives you a snapshot of where you are now. “Purpose” is an idea which guides your life, just as the North Star guides a ship at sea. It is not a destination, but a way of going.
As life forms we are matter in a state of continual change. Just as new atoms are constantly being added to our system and old ones are being flushed out, our mental landscape is equally mutable. New experiences come in and update old beliefs, we learn new things and adjust our mental maps of the world. Having a “purpose” is very useful, but it is a way of going. A purpose may remain consistent for decades, yet sometimes a major life event will alter your values and your purpose may change accordingly. As life changes you, you may find your way of going changes as well.
No matter how devoted you are to any purpose, it is useful to use your favourite method once per year. Either you will re-affirm yourself to your original purpose, or become aware of needed modifications.
Why is this method included?
As a student of motivation and self-development, you will move beyond this book to read more about finding purpose. At the time of writing (2020s) our society has excessive access to information, yet the quality of that information is largely based on opinions.
Adam Leipzig has generously and freely shared his point of view through a TEDx presentation. It is a straight forward line of questions which he found helpful in unlocking purpose for himself, and they may be useful to many people. Yet, there is no “one method to rule them all,” and you should evaluate the merits and flaws of each method rather than following them blindly. Ask yourself, “Does this make sense? Does it agree with other things I read? Does it make sense based on my current model of how the mind works?”
Spend time to figure out the logic behind why a method works. Then you will start to see the merits and flaws behind a method and apply it more effectively.
Method #5: Time and Money
Behaviorism suggests a different way of accessing values; simply look at what a person does with their time and money. A fellow who spends thousands to install home security cameras obviously values protection. A lawyer who works 90 per week to gain promotion values ambition. A woman who needs to change their wardrobe every month obviously places great importance on fashion.
We could pose the same question to ourselves. What do you spend your money and time on? What is the message to yourself if you spend most of your time drinking beer, smoking pot and watching TV? Staring into the mirror of our lives can show us a stark difference between our actions and the values we think we should have. This is highly uncomfortable for most people.
Does beer drinking, pot smoking, and watching TV doom you to an unsuccessful life? It is probably you value personal freedom, seeking pleasure and avoiding stress. These are extremely common values of most people, however they also aren’t the values that lead to financially prosperity.
Like method #4, method #5 isn’t a good way to determine a new purpose. Purpose determines values, values determine actions. However, it is a useful way to check the path you are on. And if you don’t like the direction the ship of your life is headed in… just remember you are human… you have free will… you are at the helm of this ship. Awareness of values that don’t serve your purpose gives you a heads up of where your life is going and gives you the ability to change it if you so choose.
So once you determine a purpose, ask yourself what kind of things a person with such a purpose would value. Then ask yourself how that person would use their time and money.
Method #6: Meditation on Love
Methods are plans. They are a series of clear step-by-step instructions which proceed in an orderly path to a desired result. This appeals to “Left Minded” people who like logical instructions. Method #5 isn’t really a method in the traditional sense. It is more a series of contemplations which allow you to have more insight about personal purpose. I include it for those who have a more intuitive, artistic outlook.
The Biology of Love
When people talk about “being in love” they usually refer to romantic relationships. There is a strong biological motive for falling in love. Attraction and romance lead to sex, which leads to children, which leads to perpetuation of the species for another generation. Creatures who don’t “love” and don’t reproduce are weened out of the gene pool.
Except love is more complex. After romantic love, love transforms into family love. Love becomes a strong protective urge to care for the young during the time of their life when they are most vulnerable. This bond is reciprocated both ways; as the parents become old they are cared for by the young. For humans, this proved to be a great survival advantage as the wisdom that took a lifetime to gain was preserved. Elders knew of food sources, dangers, medical herbs, knew what worked and what didn’t. They could entertain the tribe with stories by the fire. In a time before written language, before TV, before Internet, you had old people.
Humans are not the only creatures to use the memory of their elders. Elephants are led by a matriarch (an elder female) who draws upon her extensive experiences to increase the overall survival of the heard.
Unromantically, one could say that “love” is nothing more than a genetic drive to ensure survival of the species. We don’t like looking too deeply into “Love” as too many details causes overthinking. And overthinking can get in the way of effective action (Chapter 14).
For most people “Love” seems like a force beyond our control. We shouldn’t be able to rewrite our most basic genetic drives, except we can. Humans can express love in ways that do not lead to children, such as homosexual relationships. I’m neither endorsing nor condemning homosexuality; I’m just acknowledging it exists. They you have to ask yourself why. The ability for humans to rewire their neurology is stupendously powerful. So much so that we can alter the expression of instinctual drives that have existed with us 2 billion years before our ancestors became human.
Is “Love” just a trick of our genes? Or is the truth something deeper and more complex. The story of “what love is” is revealed in our biology, but it didn’t start, nor end there. To conclude that love is merely a tool of our genes to perpetuate our species is to accept only a small part of the story.
Love as a Universal Force
Physicists are aware of a universal force of attraction which literally holds the universe together. They were researching how a solid state element (such as a pure brick of gold) can stay together, given that all the atoms are chemically independent from each other. They discovered an array of different forces (collectively called Vanderwal force) which keeps atoms together.
On the celestial scale, we see the gravity as an attractive force which accounts for the creation of all stars, all planets, and the formation of galaxies. It seems the force of attraction is a fundamental property of the universe, and may have preceded the big bang. Is it a romantic anthropomorphization to call this force of attraction “Love?”
Entropy is the force of chaos, randomness, and destruction. It is a force which caused dispersal, preferring a state of homogeneity where everything is equally distributed, like how cream diffuses in your coffee if left alone. Love, or the force of attraction, opposes entropy. It is a creative force that brings things together to create more complex versions. Many of the internal structures inside our cells (like mitochondria) were once free floating creatures which chose to enter into a symbiotic relationship with a larger creature. Both creatures benefited and soon they became so close, they couldn’t survive separately. They effectively became one creature.
Much of our biology depends on symbiotic relationships. Estimates suggest that between 43 to 49% of your body mass shares a common genetic structure (aka DNA from your parents.) This means that most of your body weight is composed of symbiotic creatures. Your body is a beautiful, cooperative ecosystem; trillions of little critters working in harmony to make you, “YOU!”
At some point your life force will leave your body, and the coordination provided by love will subside. Entropy will reassert itself and all the atoms in your body will be recycled back into our larger biosphere. This cycle has been going on for the last 4 billion years on our planet alone.
Reverse Anthropomorphism
Anthropomorphism is applying human traits to a non-human entity. In suggesting that the universal force of attraction is “Love,” you could say I’m just being poetic and pressing my romantic notions on the universe. To my mind, the exact opposite is happening.
Attraction and Repulsion have been around far longer than humans. Human “Love” is the mirror which reflects the love which has always been. Think about that for a few moments. Love is first, humans happened later, and now we show love through romance. We are not the creators of love; we are the song produced by the divine. We are the expression of love.
To think love is simply a trick of genes diminishes your connection to the larger universe. The atoms which compose your body have been around for 14.2 billion years and are held together by a creative force. If that isn’t love, then what else would you call it?
Love is a Way of Going
As you come to understand “Love” as a real force of the universe you begin to think about it in a different way. Love is still a creative force, a loving relationship is one that builds on itself. It grows, develops, and becomes stronger over time.
The opposite of love isn’t hate; its apathy, or a feeling of disconnection. As that bond diminishes we see entropy leading to the dissolution of that relationship.
When you look at the work of a true artisan, you can see love in their creation. It shows in quality, the attention to detail, the willingness to go far beyond what was asked for. Love is even expressed in how they arrange their tools. A person who loves their job conducts themselves in a way completely different from a person who is apathetic.
Expression of Love
Think of love as a force of creation. How do you express love in what you produce?
_______________________________________
_______________________________________
_______________________________________ _______________________________________
_______________________________________ _______________________________________
Take a moment to do something physical. Have a few stretches, get up and change your mental state.
When you come back, pretend you didn’t write the list. Review the list as if you were looking at someone else’s work. What would you say about that person’s purpose?
This Persons purpose is:
_______________________________________ _______________________________________
Conclusion
Purpose isn’t about action or motivation; it is about alignment. It is your connection to who you really are. Call that soul, spirit or life force. It is connection to the broader universe. Finding purpose is like finding love inside yourself. Daily actions that connect you with your purpose fill you with energy, motivation and even more profound feelings of love.
Why are others attracted to people who move with purpose? They feel that inner love and they want it for themselves.
